The Elusive Snowmoose
by animationiscool
Summary: Bullwinkle goes skating and becomes frozen. He is moosenapped by Boris, Natasha, and Fearless Leader. Can Rocky save Bullwinkle and get him back to normal?
1. The Elusive Snowmoose

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**The Elusive Snowmoose or Ice to Meet You**

Narrator: In Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, it's winter and Bullwinkle is excited.

Bullwinkle: Oh boy Rocky! It's snowing, and there's lots of snow and ice everywhere. You know what that means.

Rocky: You want to go ice skating again?

Bullwinkle: Sure do! I'm gonna go to the lake with my skates. Do you want to go too, Rocky?

Rocky: Bullwinkle, you do this every winter and the same thing always happens. You try to go skating at Breaky Lake, and you fall in the ice. Couldn't you just try skiing or something instead? The search and rescue people are complaining about having to save you every year.

Bullwinkle: Well I can't break tradition!

* * *

Narrator: While Bullwinkle drags Rocky to Breaky Lake, Natasha Fatale is informing Boris Badenov and Fearless Leader about an important issue.

Natasha: Fearless Leader, Boris, it says in the Pottsylvanian Eavesdropper that it is snowing in Frostbite Falls.

Fearless Leader: So? Snow is common there, it's called Frostbite Falls for a reason. Besides, it snows in Pottsylvania.

Natasha: Yes, but it's not snowing here yet.

Boris: Why don't we go there for a vacation?

Natasha: That's a wonderful idea! Fearless Leader dollink, can we go skating in Frostbite Falls?

Boris: And skiing, don't forget skiing!

Fearless Leader: Now let me get this straight, you want me to give you a free, random vacation just because some town is covered with snow and ice?

Natasha: You could come with us.

Fearless Leader: Fine, you can go but only if I go with you. I'm not staying in my office while you two are playing in the snow. And if we see Moose and Squirrel, which we do in most episodes, it is your duty to capture them!

Boris and Natasha: Yes, boss.

* * *

Narrator: Rocky and Bullwinkle are at Breaky Lake, and Bullwinkle is ready for his annual tradition of skating on a lake with thin ice like an idiot and getting frozen. Well, I guess everyone has a tradition of some sort.

Bullwinkle: You sure you don't wanna go skating?

Rocky: I'm sure. You should probably go to another lake, one that doesn't have a "Danger Thin Ice" sign next to it, and-

Bullwinkle: Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat while skating!

Rocky: You don't have a long attention span.

Bullwinkle: Yeah, but mine's not as short as Boris. He has a short fuse.

Rocky: Your magic trick never works.

Bullwinkle: It might work when I'm skating. Let's see, there's nothin' up my sleeve... and presto!

He pulls an anchor out of a hat.

Bullwinkle: No doubt about it, I've gotta get another ha-

The ice cracks and he falls in the freezing water.

Rocky: Wow, he never pulled an anchor out of a hat before... oh, don't worry Bullwinkle, I'll go get the Search and Rescue Department!

* * *

Narrator: Shortly after Rocky leaves to find help, the terrible trio of notorious no-goodniks arrive at the scene of the incident.

Natasha: Dollink, it is so wonderful that you are letting us have a vacation.

Boris: Yes, you are a kind, great boss.

Fearless Leader: Will you suckups shut up?!? We're _villains_, you are supposed to say bad things about me, not compliments.

Natasha: It is so horrible that you are letting us have a vacation.

Boris: Yes, you are a despicable, rotten boss.

Fearless Leader: That's better.

Boris: Natasha, there's a lake up ahead. You could go skating there.

Natasha: I don't think so, there's a "Danger Thin Ice" sign. And there's a large, Moose-shaped hole.

Boris: Okay, I'll just go ice-fishing.

Narrator: After several hours of Boris sitting on the edge of Breaky Lake with a fishing pole, he reports his findings to the other spies.

Boris: Natasha, Fearless Leader, I found something!

Fearless Leader: Did you find a brain? You really need one. Or maybe you found nothing, like the inside of your head.

Boris: I'm not sure what it is.

Fearless Leader: Badenov, if you sat there for hours and found something stupid, like a piece of driftwood, I am going to fire you!

Natasha: No dollink, Boris really did reel in a... an animal in a block of ice?

Boris: Yes, and it's a rare fish that is presumed to be extinct.

Fearless Leader inspects the block of ice.

Fearless Leader: Badenov you numbskull! That is_ not _a fish, it's a moose!

Natasha: You're right, it does look like a moose. Boris, how could you mistake that for a fish?

Boris: I was ice fishing, so I thought it was a fish. No problem, I will just put it back into the lake.

Fearless Leader: If you put that into the lake, you're fired!

Boris: Why? It's just a moose.

Fearless Leader: It's not just any moose, it's Moose we have been trying to capture for years.

Natasha: Boris dollink, you finally caught Moose!

Boris: I have?

Fearless Leader: Yes, you have. Now we just need to capture Squirrel.

Boris: Maybe he is in there, too?

Fearless Leader: Boris, jump in the lake and look for Squirrel.

Boris: Anything for you, brave and Fearless Leader. It is an honour to-

Fearless Leader: Shut up and jump in the ice!

Narrator: When Boris dives into Breaky Lake to look for Rocky, who left to find help, he is also frozen.

Fearless Leader: Bwahahaha! What a numbskull!

Natasha: Boss, I think I hear the Search and Rescue Department!

Fearless Leader: We have to hide, and put Moose and Boris somewhere where they can't find them. And we have to make sure that the ice that Moose is in doesn't melt.

* * *

Narrator: Rocky arrives with two people from the Frostbite Falls Search and Rescue Department to save Bullwinkle.

Rocky: Hurry, we have to save Bullwinkle!

FFSRD Person 1: Rocky, do we have to save your idiotic friend again?

FFSRD Person 2: Yeah, it's important to make sure that everyone's safe, but your friend does the same stupid stunt _every year_. He should have learned to stop doing this by now.

Rocky: I have to see Bullwinkle try to pull a rabbit out of a hat in every episode, and I don't complain.

FFSRD Person 2: Good point.

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! Bullwinkle's not there!

FFSRD Person 1: Rocky, is this some kind of joke?

Rocky: No sir, I swear he was frozen in the lake earlier!

FFSRD Person 1: If you don't find your friend to prove this claim, we'll have to report you to the police.

Rocky: Don't worry, I'll find him. I think I know what happened to him.

Narrator: As soon as Rocky flies away and the search and rescue workers leave, Fearless Leader climbs down from a tree. Bullwinkle and Boris were hidden behind some rocks.

Fearless Leader: Squirrel is on to us. We have to get frozen Moose to Pottsylvania, and... Natasha, you can come out now, they're gone.

He searches for her.

Fearless Leader: Natasha, where did you go? I looked everywhere except for the... oh no, she wouldn't!

He finds out that she hid in the lake and is frozen.

Fearless Leader: She did. Oh well, I guess I'll have to take them to Pottsylvania by myself. As soon as Boris and Natasha's ice melts, I will fire them! And Squirrel will never see Moose again...

Narrator: Will Rocky be able to find Bullwinkle in time and clear his name? What is Fearless Leader's evil scheme? And will Boris and Natasha actually lose their jobs? Stay tuned next time for, "A Snowball's Chance in Pottsylvania" or "The Snows of Kilamoosejaro" to find out.


	2. The Snows of Kilamoosejaro

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**A Snowball's Chance in Pottsylvania or The Snows of Kilamoosejaro**

Narrator: When we last left our heroes, Bullwinkle went ice skating at Breaky Lake and became frozen in a block of ice. While Rocky left to find help, that terrible trio, Boris, Natasha, and Fearless Leader kidnapped the immobilized moose. Unfortunately for Rocky, the rescue workers did not believe his claim because the moose was missing. And unfortunately for Fearless Leader, his not too bright no-goodniks froze themselves. As a result, he has to transport Boris, Natasha, and Bullwinkle in the trunk of his car to Pottsylvania.

Fearless Leader: Well, technically Boris didn't freeze himself. I pushed him in the lake because he is a numbskull. But don't tell anyone about this, ever! Especially not the police.

Narrator: Speaking of police, there is a car from the Frostbite Falls Police Department! It appears to be heading right this way. Well, Fearless Leader, it appears that your plan isn't going to work after all.

Fearless Leader: That's what you think!

He attempts to drive away, but his car stops when it hits a pothole.

Narrator: The police officers in the patrol vehicle are new recruits. They are Chauncey and Edgar, two people who constantly change jobs that fit in with the plot. They are also the world's best observers. They're always alert and ready to take action.

Chauncey: Edgar, I'm getting tired of this patrol stuff. Why don't we do something the police are famous for?

Edgar: You mean like arresting criminals?

Chauncey: No. I was thinking we could get some coffee and donuts.

Edgar: What about the guy who hit a pothole? Shouldn't we help him or something?

Chauncey: Nah, it's only a pothole. There are a billion of those things in Frostbite Falls. Why should we help him?

Edgar: He might give us free donuts.

Chauncey: Edgar, stop the car! We have to perform our duty, for the sake of the donuts!

Edgar: You mean the guy in the car.

Chauncey: Yeah, him too, I guess.

* * *

Narrator: And so, Edgar and the stereotypical donut crazed cop stop and exit their vehicle to help the man. Meanwhile, Rocky is flying around, in an attempt to find Bullwinkle. He is currently flying around Mount Kilamoosejaro, one of the tallest mountains in Frostbite Falls.

Rocky: Where are you, Bullwinkle?

Captain Peter "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz: Hi, Rocky!

Narrator: Coincidentally, Captain Peachfuzz is on a hiking trip up the mountain. Rocky lands to talk to him.

Rocky: Hi, Captain Peachfuzz. What are you doing here?

Peachfuzz: I'm on a hiking trip. For some reason, I can't seem to find my ship, the S.S. Guppy, so I'm looking for it.

Rocky: You're looking for your boat on a _mountain_? Boats are usually found near water, like at the harbour.

Peachfuzz: This isn't the harbour?!?

Narrator: There may not be a reason for why his boat disappeared, but there's definitely a reason why he's called "Wrong Way". True to his nickname, the sea captain consistently becomes hopelessly lost, mainly due to his stupidity.

Peachfuzz: So, why are flying around the mountains? I thought you only went there for the opening titles.

Rocky: I'm looking for my best friend, Bullwinkle. Could you help me find him?

Peachfuzz: Sure! I'll have to get down from here anyway.

Rocky: Do you need any help getting d-

Peachfuzz: GERONIMO!!!

Narrator: Yes, Captain Peachfuzz jumps off the mountain to get to the bottom. You know what I said about him being stupid? Well this is an example of stupidity at its finest.

*THUD*

Rocky: ...I could have just carried him down.

* * *

Narrator: While Rocky goes on an adventure with the stupidest sea captain ever, the diligent police officers rush to the aid of the man whose car hit a pothole.

Chauncey and Edgar are sitting on their car, drinking coffee and eating donuts.

Edgar: Wha? Oh, sorry. We thought it was our break.

Chauncey: Yeah, we found a coffee shop and decided to get something.

Narrator: After having a "well deserved" coffee break the not so diligent police officers rush to the aid of the man whose car hit a pothole.

Edgar: Are you okay, sir?

Fearless Leader: Yes, I am perfectly fine. Now, if you excuse me, I really have to be going, and...

Chauncey: Can I have a donut?

Fearless Leader: ...what?

Chauncey: Edgar said that if we helped you, you would give us free donuts.

Fearless Leader: Do you know who I am?!?

Chauncey: Are you the guy at the coffee shop? If you are, that must be the weirdest employee outfit ever. It sort of looks like a military uniform.

Fearless Leader: I am Fearless Leader! I rule Pottsylvania with an iron fist!

Chauncey: Hmm, that name sounds familiar.

Fearless Leader: If you sound like Squirrel again, you will be arrested and shot!

Chauncey: Hey Edgar, this guy wants to arrest us! Haha, that's impossible! We're police officers, how can some guy arrest us?

Edgar: According to these police records, it says he's the corrupt ruler of Pottsylvania. It also says he threatens and shoots his own employees, steals treasure to put in his vault, tries to take over Frostbite Falls, and he even tries to rule the world! Wow, what a psycho!

Fearless Leader: Why, thank you, I love getting compliments. And I am so proud of my criminal record. I received my bad conduct medal because of that record. Now that you know who I am, I will just leave and go back to Pottsylvania to complete some evil plans, er, government issues. Not that there is much of a difference.

When he attempts to drive away, Edgar stops him.

Edgar: You're under arrest!

Fearless Leader: But I didn't do anything against the law.

Edgar: Are you kidding?!? There's a ton of crimes in your criminal record.

Fearless Leader: If you drop the charges, I'll buy some donuts for you.

Chauncey: Edgar, maybe we should let him go. He never really invaded anything, they were just attempts.

Edgar: You only care about getting donuts.

Chauncey: That's true. And if we bug him, he might try to shoot us.

Edgar: Okay, but can we at least search your vehicle, Fearless Leader?

Fearless Leader: No, the trunk of my car is strictly off limits!

Edgar: Really? That's strange, I didn't say anything about the trunk.

Chauncey: Do you think he's hiding something?

Edgar: Yeah, I bet he's smuggling a secret formula, like hushaboom.

Chauncey: I have a question.

Edgar: What's that?

Chauncey: How can hushaboom be a secret formula if we know what it's called?

Fearless Leader sneaks off by driving away while the officers are discussing secret formulas.

* * *

Narrator: The villain continues the drive to Pottsylvania.

Fearless Leader: Bwahahaha! Those idiots will never catch me! I am so far ahead of them, and if Moose doesn't thaw or fall out of the trunk, I finally be able to get rid of him.

He is on a deserted highway, around a cliff.

Fearless Leader: It is getting kind of late. Maybe I should get some rest. After all, nothing could possibly go wrong.

Narrator: Fearless Leader falls asleep at the wheel after turning on the cruise control. While he is asleep, the car hits another one of Frostbite Fall's many potholes.

He immediately wakes up.

Fearless Leader: What was that?!?

Narrator: Suddenly, the trunk opens, and the frozen moose falls out of the car! Bullwinkle then slides off the edge of the cliff!

Fearless Leader: You know what I said about how nothing could go wrong?

Narrator: Yes.

Fearless Leader: I stand corrected.

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, Rocky and Captain Peachfuzz begin their search for Bullwinkle.

Peachfuzz: And my ship!

Narrator: As a result of his incredibly stupid action of jumping off Mount Kilamoosejaro, he is covered with bandages.

Rocky: Are you okay, Captain Peachfuzz?

Peachfuzz: Yeah, but I feel kind of wrapped up.

Rocky: I can fly you to the harbour, if you want. Then we can find your ship, and use it to get to Pottsylvania.

Peachfuzz: I was thinking we could use my plane. I'm an expert pilot.

Rocky: You have a plane, too? But I thought you were a sea captain.

Peachfuzz: I'm a sea captain?!?

At the base of the mountain, they find Captain Peachfuzz's biplane. It looks beat up and could easily crash.

Peachfuzz: I call it the Sopwith Dodo.

Rocky: You know that Dodos can't fly and are _extinct_, right?

Peachfuzz: Really? Wow, I guess you learn something every day.

Narrator: They board the aptly named aircraft, and prepare for lift off. Peachfuzz pilots the Sopwith Dodo. At first, the flight goes smoothly, if you don't count the fact that he's flying it upside down.

Peachfuzz: This plane works great, except for that weird arrow thingy. It always seems to be pointing to the left.

Rocky looks at the fuel gauge.

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! We're running out of fuel!

Narrator: Well it turns out that there are two cliffhangers this time. And one of them is a literal cliff hanger, too. What will happen to Bullwinkle? And will Rocky and Captain Peachfuzz be in for a crash course? To find out, be sure to stay tuned next time for, "Science Friction Theatre" or "Lost with the Barons".


	3. Science Friction Theatre

**Science Friction Theatre or Lost with the Barons**

Narrator: In the previous segment, Rocky searched for Bullwinkle on Mount Kilamoosejaro. He teamed up with a loyal yet lamebrained ally, Captain Peachfuzz. They had started a flight to Pottsylvania in the Sopwith Dodo, the captain's not so reliable aircraft. In fact, the plane is so unreliable that it is about to crash!

Captain Peachfuzz: Why is the plane getting really close to the ground?

Rocky carries Captain Peachfuzz while flying off the plane.

*crash*

Rocky: That was a close one. Captain Peachfuzz, why didn't you add fuel to the plane?

Peachfuzz: Planes need fuel?!?

Rocky: Yes. You should know that if you want to be a pilot.

Peachfuzz: When did I ever say I was a pilot? I'm an expert sea captain.

Narrator: And so, Rocky and the stupid sailor with short term memory loss continue their adventure. While Peachfuzz takes in his plane for repairs, Rocky decides to ask some people if they saw Bullwinkle anywhere.

* * *

Narrator: Speaking of Bullwinkle, he is in another cliffhanger. And this one appears to be a literal cliffhanger, because the frozen moose is sliding down a cliff with jagged rocks at the bottom!

Fearless Leader: If he falls off that cliff, I won't be able to carry out my ingenious plan for revenge.

Narrator: If keeping him frozen is so important, why don't you go rescue him?

Fearless Leader: Are you kidding? In case you haven't noticed, there are a lot of jagged rocks down there.

Narrator: Of course I know that. I just mentioned it a few seconds ago.

Fearless Leader gets Boris and Natasha out of the trunk of his car.

Fearless Leader: There must be some way to get them out of the ice. It would take too long to just wait for the ice to melt.

Narrator: After pondering about the situation, the boss thinks of a way to get them out of the ice blocks.

Fearless Leader: I have free explosives!

Boris and Natasha immediately get out of the ice.

Boris: This is great, we're getting free explosiv- hey, what gives? Where's the explosives?!?

Fearless Leader: I lied.

Natasha: What do you want us to do, dollink?

Fearless Leader: You see that cliff over there?

Boris: The one with Moose sliding down to the jagged rocks?

Fearless Leader: Yes. Go down there and save him.

Boris and Natasha: What?!?

Natasha: Dollink, are you feeling all right? This isn't like you. You always want us to keel Moose and Squirrel.

Boris: And those rocks will do the work for us!

Fearless Leader: As much as I would like to see Moose fall on the rocks, we need him for my evil scheme.

Natasha: It would be a lot easier for us if we let him fall.

Fearless Leader: I know, but if we did that there wouldn't be much of a story.

Narrator: Boris and Natasha get the frozen moose by using a rope. They pull him up with the rope, and put him back into the trunk.

Boris: That was easy. Usually something bad happens to me, like I would fall off a cliff or something.

Narrator: Suddenly, Boris falls of the cliff! He slowly climbs back up.

Natasha: Boris dollink! Are you all right?!?

Boris: I think so. I should have shut up my mouth.

Fearless Leader: How could you fall on large, jagged rocks and be fine?

Boris: I don't know. The same thing happens when a bomb explodes in my face.

* * *

Narrator: While Rocky searches for his best friend, and the villains try to figure out how Boris can withstand cliffs and explosives, our clever cops are trying to think about their previous encounter.

Edgar: What we have here is an open and shut case of smuggling.

Chauncey: Oh, so that's why he wouldn't let us look in the trunk!

Edgar: Of course. Why else wouldn't he let us look in there?

Chauncey: Maybe he doesn't like the make of his car?

Edgar: ... As I was saying, we have to arrest Fearless Leader for illegal smuggling.

Chauncey: Yeah, and he committed another terrible crime, too.

Edgar: Which one?

Chauncey: He didn't give me any donuts!

Narrator: Edgar and Chauncey get back into their patrol vehicle, and try to track down the "smuggler". After driving for a while, they come across a familiar looking car.

Edgar: You bet it's familiar. That's Fearless Leader's car!

Chauncey: How would you know that?

Edgar: Look at the license plate.

Chauncey sees the license plate. It says, "I-M-FLS-LR" ("I am Fearless Leader").

Chauncey: You're right, it is his car.

Edgar: You're under arrest, Fearless Leader!

Fearless Leader: Wha? Oh, it's those clueless cops again. I should really change that license plate.

Fearless Leader starts up the vehicle.

Fearless Leader: Don't say anything that will get their attention, and result in a car chase.

Natasha: Yes, boss. We will be sure to not say a word. Isn't that right, Boris?

Boris sticks his head out the window.

Boris: You'll never get me, coppers!

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, Captain Peachfuzz finishes taking the Sopwith Dodo in for repairs, and Rocky meets up with him.

Captain Peachfuzz: Hi, Rocky. Did you have any luck with finding your friend?

Rocky: Nobody knew where he was, and when I told them what happened, most people laughed at me.

Peachfuzz: That's too bad. I had some really good luck at the repair shop. There was this nice guy, and he gave me a present. I'm not sure what's in it yet, but he said I would get a bang out of it.

*tick*

Peachfuzz: Judging by that ticking noise, I'd say that it's a new clock.

Rocky: Um, what did the "shop owner" look like?

Peachfuzz: Well, he was very short. I'd say about a few inches tall. He also had round glasses. He had a familiar voice and a creepy laugh.

Rocky: You were talking to Mr. Big?!?

Peachfuzz: Hey, you know what his name is! Is a friend of yours or something?

Narrator: Rocky stares at him in disbelief. The clueless captain is unaware that Mr. Big is one of the deadliest agents in Pottsylvania. And the present is not a clock, but, you guessed it, a ticking time bomb!

* * *

Narrator: Our villains are driving as fast as they possibly can to get to Pottsylvania, and evade the pursuit of the bored, donut obsessed police officers. Of course, since they are driving so fast this means that they are recklessly breaking a multitude laws.

They go through a red light.

Natasha: Um, boss, you could get a ticket for that.

They drive though a traffic jam by diving on top of the cars.

Boris: Uh, boss, you could get a _lot_ of tickets for that.

Fearless Leader: Shut up, both of you! In case you forgot, we are villains. We are supposed to break the laws.

They proceed to knock over a fruit cart.

Boris: I don't get it, why is there a fruit stand in the middle of winter?

Natasha: They are always knocked over in car chases for some reason.

Boris: Oh, that makes sense.

Natasha: Fearless Leader dollink, do you want me to drive instead? You don't have good eyesight, and it shows in your driving.

Fearless Leader: No, my eyesight is perfectly fine. And we are ahead of the police. All we have to do is cross that bridge and drive to the harbour. Then we will be in Pottsylvania, and get our revenge on Moose and Squirrel!

Boris: What bridge? All I see is a stop sign, and a chasm.

Narrator: It turns out that Fearless Leader's vision is so poor that he doesn't notice that they are about to drive into a gorge. Will they be able to notice the stop sign, and stop in time to avoid falling in the gorge? Will Rocky and Captain Peachfuzz get a bang over Mr. Big's "Christmas present"? Be sure to stay tuned next time for, "For your Ice Only " or "Octagon of Fear".


	4. Mr Peabody, Dodo Birds

**Rocky and Bullwinkle, and Mr. Peabody are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

Rocky: And now-

Bullwinkle: Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!

Rocky: Bullwinkle, what are you doing here?!? You're supposed to be frozen in ice.

Bullwinkle: I know, but I'm getting sick of playing a bit part in this story. Now, there's nothin' up my sleeve, and, presto!

Bullwinkle pulls a dodo bird out of his hat.

Bullwinkle: Wrong hat.

Rocky: Hey, it's a dodo bird! Mr. Peabody and Sherman are going to go back in time to see them.

Bullwinkle: Why would they do that? I mean, dodos are extinct, they can't fly, and they're really, really stupid.

The dodo pecks him.

Bullwinkle: Ow! Stop pecking me!

Dodo: Who's stupid now?

The dodo chases him.

Bullwinkle: Never mind, I'm going back into the block of ice.

Rocky: ...And now here's something we hope you'll really like.

**Dodo Birds (Peabody's Improbable History)**

Mr. Peabody: Hello, Peabody here. I am assuming you have seen the previous segments, when Rocky and Captain Peachfuzz fly in the "Sopwith Dodo". Well, Sherman and I are going to see some real dodo birds.

Sherman: But Mr. Peabody, dodo birds are extinct.

Mr. Peabody: That's correct, Sherman. We will see them by travelling back in time to the seventeenth century, at the island of Mauritius. As a matter of fact, we are not just going to see them. In this episode, we are planning to take a picture of one, for my bird watching collection.

Sherman: That's great, but how are we going to take a picture if cameras weren't invented yet?

Mr. Peabody: That's easy. We'll bring cameras with us.

Sherman: Okay, I have one more question. Is it true that dodos were stupid?

Mr. Peabody: To be honest, I'm not quite sure. We'll just have to find out won't we?

* * *

Peabody Narrating: Sherman set the WAYBAC machine for the island of Mauritius during the 1600's.

Sherman: Oh boy! We're gonna find some dodo birds!

He gets out a pair of binoculars, and looks up.

Sherman: We'll be sure to find one.

Mr. Peabody: Dodos can't fly.

Sherman: Oh, sorry.

Peabody Narrating: Sherman and I explored the tropical island in our search to find the rare, never before photographed, fuzzy feathered Pipsquack- er, dodo bird. Eventually, we saw a shadowy figure up a tree.

Sherman: What do you think it is?

Mr. Peabody: Well, whatever it is, it certainly wouldn't be Mr. Big.

They use their binoculars and a flashlight to find out if it's a dodo bird.

Mr. Big: Get that light away from me! You are ruining my sneaky, evil plan!

Sherman: You were wrong, Mr. Peabody.

Mr. Peabody: Quiet, you.

Mr. Big: I am trying to spy on Moose and Squirrel.

Mr. Peabody: You're in the wrong episode. Rocky is in Frostbite Falls with Captain Peachfuzz, and Bullwinkle is encased in a block of ice.

Mr. Big: All right, I... wait a minute, you could be lying! Moose and Squirrel could be here, and you are trying to stop me from getting rid of them.

Mr. Peabody: Mr. Big, they are located in Frostbite Falls, and it's snowing there. You, on the other hand, are situated on the island of Mauritius, which is tropical. Not to mention the fact that this episode takes place in the 1600s.

Sherman: Rocky and Captain Peachfuzz were about to be blown up by one of your time bombs.

Mr. Big: Oh, now I remember. Okay, now I need to get off the island of Maurice-something, and keel Squirrel once and for all, eheheh... eheh.

He leaves, and tries to look for "Moose and Squirrel".

Mr. Peabody: I don't think you should have told him that, Sherman.

Sherman: Sorry. Anyway, do you think we'll find a dodo bird in that cave?

Mr. Peabody: I highly doubt that they live in c-

Sherman ignores him, and heads for the cave.

Mr. Peabody: -thanks for listening!

Sherman: You're welcome, Mr. Peabody!

Mr. Peabody: *mumbles* Doesn't he know sarcasm when he hears it?

* * *

Peabody Narrating: Sherman and I proceeded to excavate the cavern. It was a typical cave, with such features as stalactites, stalagmites, and of course, a significant lack of light. As a result, navigating in that place was rather difficult. In fact, we could hardly see anything in there, which led to yet another misunderstanding.

Sherman: Mr. Peabody, I found a whole bunch of dodos!

Mr. Peabody: I find that hard to believe.

Sherman: But it's true, they're all over the place!

Mr. Peabody: If they are "all over the place," then why didn't I see even one dodo bird yet?

Sherman: They're hanging upside down.

Mr. Peabody: I find that even harder to believe. Sherman, they are flightless birds, and they are unable to climb. How could they possibly be upside down?

Sherman: I don't know, but you can see them if you look up.

Mr. Peabody looks at the cavern ceiling, and sees a very large group of bats.

Sherman: Are we going to take a picture?

Mr. Peabody drags Sherman out of the cave, and escapes from the bats.

Sherman: I don't get it. We were supposed to take pictures of a dodo, right?

Mr. Peabody: Yes, but those were definitely not dodo birds. They were bats.

Sherman: That explains why they were hanging around in there. And it was a good thing that we left. It would have sucked if we stayed.

Mr. Peabody: Quiet, you.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: Our search took us from outside of the cave to a nearby wetland.

Sherman: There's a dodo bird!

Mr. Peabody: Really? Where?!?

Sherman: It's in that thicket.

He sees a heron.

Mr. Peabody: That just so happens to be a heron. I guess you were fooled by a _red heron_, eh Sherman?

Sherman: You mean a _red herring_.

Mr. Peabody: Quiet, you.

Sherman: Were dodos really big?

Mr. Peabody: Yes, they were one metre in height.

Sherman: That could be a dodo bird.

They see a tall, pink bird.

Peabody Narrating: Obviously, what we saw was a flamingo. What was odd about this specimen was that she was carrying a yoyo.

Sherman: Ms. Flamingo, yoyos weren't invented yet!

Flamingo: Really?!? Aw, I wanted to show off!

Mr. Peabody: Actually, they were invented thousands of years ago.

Sherman: Quiet, you.

Mr. Peabody: Touché

* * *

Peabody Narrating: As you can tell, our expedition was not going as planned. We were searching for hours, and there was still no evident sign of even one dodo bird.

Mr. Peabody: Sherman, you are usually quite intelligent. Why did you constantly mistake other birds, bats, and even Mr. Big as a dodo bird?

Sherman: When we were packing for the trip, I was rushing, and I kinda forgot my glasses.

Peabody Narrating: To my surprise, he was right. Throughout the whole expedition, I failed to notice that Sherman indeed forgot his glasses.

Sherman: I can't see a thing without my glasses.

Peabody Narrating: Along the coast of the island, we finally saw one.

Sherman: Look. a dodo bird!

Mr. Peabody: I find that hard to believe- egad, you're right! Now the only thing we need to do is make sure that he doesn't run away.

Sherman: We can give him a donut.

Mr. Peabody: That's ridiculous. Donuts were not invented yet.

He takes a donut out of their supplies bag.

Mr. Peabody: I don't recall asking you to bring donuts.

Sherman: Chauncey and Edgar said it would be a good idea.

Peabody Narrating: Sherman gave the dodo a donut, and... it worked! The dodo happily accepted it.

Dodo: Free donuts?!? No way, this is great!

Peabody Narrating: I made sure to take a picture of the rare, never before photographed, fuzzy feathered Pipsq- dodo bird. After finally taking those well earned photographs, we were on our way.

Dodo: Hey, there's some guys in a ship. I'll bet they have lots of donuts.

The bird heads for the ship.

Peabody Narrating: As we headed for home, I only had one thing on my mind.

Mr. Peabody: Next time, try to keep your glasses on, even if you have to use duct tape.

Peabody Narrating: Come to think about it, I had one more thing to say about this experience.

Mr. Peabody: Do you remember what I said about my bird watching collection?

Sherman: Yeah?

Mr. Peabody: I am seriously considering taking a break from it. Honestly, this expedition was for the birds.

**The End**

Rocky: The next episode will be, "For Your Ice Only".


	5. For Your Ice Only

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions**

**For Your Ice Only or Octagon of Fear**

Narrator: When we last left our heroes, they, well, Rocky went on a search with Captain Peter Wrong Way Peachfuzz. They still haven't caught up with the no-goodniks, who moosenapped Bullwinkle. This is mainly, no, entirely because of the sea captain's extremely obvious stupidity. After taking his plane, the Sopwith Dodo, in for repairs, he came back with a mysterious Christmas present from Mr. Big. Come to think about it, the contents of the parcel aren't really that mysterious, because there is a ticking noise that sounds just like-

Rocky: A time bomb!

Narrator: -exactly. However, Captain Peachfuzz has a different idea about the contents of the package.

Captain Peachfuzz: That's a ridiculous idea, Rocky. The kind storeowner, Mr. Big, gave me a clock so I can keep track of time. That way I'll know when to pick up my plane.

Narrator: After some arguing, Rocky and the sea captain come up with a scientifically accurate method to settle this dispute.

Peachfuzz: We'll flip a coin!

Narrator: Or not.

Peachfuzz: I'll call heads, and you can call tails, since you have one.

He flips a coin, and it shows heads.

Peachfuzz: Ha, it says heads! I knew I was right all along. Now all I have to do is unwrap my presen-

*BOOM*

Narrator: The time bomb explodes on the stupid seaman. The squirrel is unharmed, and he notices something.

Rocky: Actually, it says tails.

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, the villains, along with the still frozen moose, ignore a stop sign and are uncomfortably close to driving off a cliff.

Boris: We will surely fall off!

Fearless Leader: You should get your eyes checked. There is clearly a bridge in front of us.

Natasha: It looks like a toll bridge. And Captain Peachfuzz is there.

Fearless Leader: A toll bridge?!? I'm not paying just to drive across a bridge, especially not to pay that numbskull! Besides, knowing him the bridge would collapse or something.

Narrator: Thanks to Natasha blatantly lying, Fearless Leader avoids the cliff and drives on a nearby road.

Fearless Leader: We're in luck. There is a sign that points to Pottsylvania, and I don't see the police officers anywhere.

Boris: I guess we gave them the slip!

Natasha and Fearless Leader stare at him.

Boris: You know, slip? There's snow and ice everywhere, and we escaped... oh, sorry about the pun.

* * *

Narrator: While the villains head for Pottsylvania, our heroes, well, hero and his stupid sidekick, head for the harbour.

Rocky: Captain Peachfuzz, what happened when you met Mr. Big?

* * *

Flashback

Mr. Big: Welcome, stupid sailor, I mean, stranger.

Captain Peachfuzz: Hi, mister! You look familiar for some reason. Say, aren't you that little mobster guy?

Mr. Big: I am not little! Now, what can I do for you?

Peachfuzz: I'm trying to help a friend of mine. His name is Rocky, and he's a flying squirrel. Do you know him?

Mr. Big: _Know_ him?!? Squirrel and his friend Moose foiled every scheme that I had attempted!

Peachfuzz: How many schemes did you attempt?

Mr. Big: Two.

Peachfuzz: That's not a lot of schemes.

Mr. Big: It's the principle.

Peachfuzz: Anyway, his friend Bullwinkle fell in a frozen lake.

Mr. Big: Ah, so he did something to break the ice, eheheh, eheh.

Peachfuzz: I don't get it.

Mr. Big: I'm not surprised.

Peachfuzz: When we were looking for him, we went flying in my plane, the Sopwith Dodo. It kinda crashed on us, and I need it repaired. Rocky said it was because it needed fuel. Isn't that weird? I never knew that planes needed fuel.

Mr. Big: ...I'm not surprised about that either.

Peachfuzz: I was just wondering if you could fix the plane, and if you saw Bullwinkle anywhere.

Mr. Big: I have not seen him recently, but I can repair your plane.

Peachfuzz: That's great! How much does it cost?

Mr. Big: Not much, all I need is everything in your wallet, including your boating license.

Peachfuzz: Sure! When should I come back?

Mr. Big: You'll find out when you open this present I have for you. Consider it an early Christmas present.

Peachfuzz: Thanks, Mr. Big!

He walks out of the store with his "present".

Mr. Big: Captain Peachfuzz will never come beck, eheheheh, eheh...

End Flashback

* * *

Rocky: You gave him your boating license?

Peachfuzz: I sure did. I gave him everything in my wallet, even the right to own my ship, the SS Guppy.

Rocky: I know what happened to your boat.

Peachfuzz: It was invaded by abominable snowmen?!?

Rocky: Um, no. Mr. Big probably stole it. We'll have to cross the Frosty Gate Bridge to get to Pottsylvania.

* * *

Narrator: The no-goodniks cross the Frosty Gate Bridge to get to Pottsylvania before our heroes. As soon as they reach their destination, they realize something.

Natasha: We realized that it has taken us years to capture a stupid moose?

Narrator: No. To the surprise of our villains, it's snowing!

Boris: There's no problem with keeping him frozen.

Natasha: We still need somewhere to keep Moose, in case the ice melts later.

Boris: Moose could be sent to the North Pole.

Natasha: We have been there before. We invented a machine to change the location of the North Pole, you, Boris dollink, disguised yourself as Santa Claus, and tried to steal presents.

Fearless Leader: And you failed miserably!

Boris: Okay, how about we shove Moose in a fridge?

Fearless Leader: That's... a good idea?

Narrator: Natasha and Fearless Leader use Boris's odd idea, and plan to lock Bullwinkle in a refrigerator.

Natasha: Dollink, what exactly is your evil plan? We still have no idea why you want Moose in a fridge.

Fearless Leader:My plan is to send fake articles about the discovery of a prehistoric moose. Of course, Moose will be described as the prehistoric animal, and everyone will believe it because he's frozen. We will get publicity from the hoax, and this will attract Squirrel, because he will want to save his friend. The next step is to lure him to this area, have the refrigerator ready, and shove him in there with Moose. Then I will never have to deal with Moose and Squirrel again, and I will use this freedom to rule the world!

Natasha: That is a good plan, dollink!

Boris: But there is a small problem.

Fearless Leader: What problem? I have been plotting this scheme for weeks! What could possibly go wrong?!?

Natasha: The refrigerator is too small to hold both Moos and Squirrel.

Boris: That;'s easy. We'll just take Moose out, and put Squirrel in!

Natasha: But then he would thaw.

Boris: Okay, the solution would be to leave Moose in, and take Squirrel out.

Natasha: The point is to freeze both of them.

Boris: We're going to need a bigger fridge.

* * *

Narrator: Boris and Natasha set out to buy a larger refrigerator, while Fearless Leader transports Bullwinkle to Central Control. In Frostbite Falls, Rocky and Captain Peachfuzz are very close to finally reaching the Pottsylvanian border.

Rock: We're almost there! All we have to do is cross the Frosty Gate bridge.

Peachfuzz: Yeah, but we should probably talk to those two guys n front of us.

Narrator: The two guys are Chauncey and Edgar, the inexperienced, donut obsessed policemen.

Chauncey: Stop in the name of the law! Hey Edgar, did I sound like a tough cop or what?

Edgar: Not really. You're not exactly what I would call intimidating.

Chauncey: Sure I am! I'm short, wear huge glasses, I randomly comment about things, and sometimes I wear a bowler hat... you're right, I'm not intimidating. Anyway, we have to question you two.

Edgar: Rocky, we received a report from the search and rescue workers The said that you pulled a prank on them.

Rocky: It wasn't a prank. Bullwinkle really was there!

Edgar: All we want are the facts, ma'am, uh, Rocky.

Chauncey: Yeah, you shouldn't lie to us.

Rocky: But I'm telling the truth.

Edgar: Do you have any witnesses?

Rocky: Well, no.

Peachfuzz: Ooh, I wanna be a witness!

Rocky: I'm doomed...

Narrator: Rocky doesn't have much hope with Captain Peachfuzz as his defence. Will our hero be able to avoid being arrested, and save Bullwinkle from the icy clutches of Fearless Leader? Be sure to stay tuned for, "A Fridge too Far" or "Thaw and Order".


	6. Mr Peabody, Hot Air Balloon

**Disclaimer: Mr. Peabody, and Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions**

Rocky: And now-

Chauncey: You have the right to remain silent!

Edgar: Sorry, Rocky, but you're still under arrest from the previous episode.

Rocky: ...And now here's something we hope you'll really like.

**The First Hot Air Balloon (Peabody's Improbable History)  
**

Mr. Peabody: Hello. Peabody here. Today Sherman and I are going to France.

Sherman: Who are we going to visit, Mr. Peabody?

Mr. Peabody: We are visiting the famous Montgolfier brothers, Joseph Montgolfier and Jacques Montgolfier.

Sherman: Who are those guys? Did they invent golf?

Mr. Peabody: No. We were already in an episode about golf. They invented the hot air balloon. I guess you could say that we'll be spending five weeks in a balloon.

Sherman: It's more like five minutes in a balloon. That's how long our episodes are.

Mr. Peabody: Quiet, you.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: Sherman set the WAYBAC machine for Paris, France, in 1783.

Sherman: Where's the Eiffel Tower?

Mr. Peabody: The Eiffel Tower wasn't built until 1889. If it was here in the 1700s, we'd have to go back in time again in order to fix it.

Peabody Narrating: While I was talking to Sherman about the Eiffel Tower, we noticed two people carrying a huge, impressive hot air balloon. And they just so happened to notice us.

Mr. Peabody: Bonjour, monsieur Montgolfiers.

Joseph Montgolfier: A talking dog?

Jacques Montgolfier: C'est impossible!

Sherman: *whispers* What did the second guy say, Mr. Peabody?

Mr. Peabody: It is impossible.

Sherman: But I thought you could speak eight languages, including French.

Mr. Peabody: I can. He said, "It is impossible".

Sherman: Oh. My French isn't very good.

Mr. Peabody: Not to worry, Sherman. The writer's French isn't much better.

Mr. Peabody: When can we witness the first hot air balloon flight?

Jacques: Never, I'm afraid. No one thinks that our balloon, the Aerostat Réveillon, can fly.

Mr. Peabody: That's preposterous. Sherman and I can help you two get your hot air balloon to fly, and you will receive the recognition you deserve.

Joseph: That's incredible!

Sherman: Because you're being helped by time travellers from the future?

Joseph: No. It is incredible because we're talking to a talking dog.

Jacques: Do think it's because we stayed up all night working on the balloon?

Joseph: It's either that or the wine.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: After being acquainted with the Montgolfiers, and they eventually got used to my ability of speech, we proceeded to work together on the famous Montgolfier balloon. We helped them set up the balloon and we headed for Annonay, France, to demonstrate their important invention. Since they informed many people of this event prior to the flight, there was a huge crowd.

Crowd: Yay.

Mr. Peabody: This isn't exactly the most excited crowd I've ever seen.

Sherman: That's an understatement.

Mr. Peabody: Quiet, you.

Peabody Narrating: Obviously, we had a very tough crowd to work with. I guess you could say they were a bunch of blowhards. But we still tried the demonstration of the balloon and it worked. However, there were some technical difficulties...

Joseph: What do you think of our invention?

Crowd Member: It's pretty good, but how do you get the balloon to come down?

Jacques: After all of that planning, we forgot to tie down the balloon!

Sherman: We can get it for you, monsoon Montgolfiers.

Mr. Peabody: You mean _monsieur _Montgolfiers.

Sherman: Quiet, you.

Mr. Peabody: Touché.

Sherman: What's that?

Mr. Peabody: It means a good point or response.

Sherman: Oh.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: Sherman and I attempted to track down the wayward balloon. This task was actually very difficult because Sherman was somewhat right. We didn't find "monsoon Montgolfiers", but we did find ourselves stuck in a monsoon.

Mr. Peabody: You would be a good meteorologist, Sherman.

Peabody Narrating: We then encountered a balloon eating tree.

Balloon Eating Tree: Yum, that's a spicy blue hot air balloon!

Peabody Narrating: We were unsure on how to free the invention from its mouth-

Sherman: Mr. Peabody, how can a tree have a mouth?

Mr. Peabody: ...I can't think of a logical explanation.

Peabody Narrating: Eventually, Sherman and I were able to get the balloon back with great difficulty.

Sherman: Did you know that the balloon is an important invention?

Balloon Eating Tree: It is? Sorry about that.

Peabody Narrating: Well, maybe not so much with great difficulty.

Balloon Eating Tree: Tell the kite eating tree that I said hi!

* * *

Peabody Narrating: Our journey back to Annonay was somewhat hazardous because of the storm.

Sherman: Is that a flying cow?

Mr. Peabody: Sherman, there is no way you could have saw an airborne bovine, and-

The wind is so strong that it blows a cow past them.

"Flying" Cow: Mooooooooooo!

Mr. Peabody: -I stand corrected.

* * *

Peabody Narrating: Upon reaching our destination, the Montgolfiers were waiting for us.

Jacques: Ah, Mr. Peabody and Sherman! We were waiting for you.

Joseph: So was the crowd.

Crowd: Yay.

Mr. Peabody: Fortunately, in spite of the storm, your balloon is intact-

Sherman: -But we had to get it from a balloon eating tree.

Jacques: Pardonez moi?

Sherman: What?

Peabody: Exactly.

Sherman: Huh?

Mr. Peabody: Pardonez moi means, "pardon me?" or "what?" Of course, the writer most likely got it in the wrong context.

Sherman: Oh, and if you see the kite eating tree, the balloon eating tree said hi. And it's kind of windy today. We also saw a flying cow.

Joseph: ...Have you two tried any wine while we were waiting?

Peabody Narrating: While tying the balloon so it would not blow away again, and trying to explain the bizarre events that Sherman described, we witnessed yet another strange event.

Sherman: Hey, there's a flying sheep!

Mr. Peabody: That is obviously implausible-

They all see the wind blowing a sheep.

Sheep: Baaaaaaa!

The sheep lands in the basket of the hot air balloon.

Joseph: They were right.

Jacques: And they helped us find a passenger.

Peabody Narrating: And so, the Montgolfier brothers gained recognition for the first hot air balloon flight.

Sherman: Okay, but this story was kind of weird. What are the odds of a sheep landing right in a basket?

Mr. Peabody: That was a shear coincidence.

**The End**

Mr. Peabody: In Frostbite Falls, a trial was held. In a moment, the results of that trial.


	7. A Fridge too Far

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**A Fridge too Far or Thaw and Order**

Rocky and Bullwinkle Narrator: When we last Rocky and Captain Peachfuzz, they attempted to rescue Bullwinkle from Fearless Leader and his minions, Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale. The duo was planning to cross the Frosty Gate Bridge on their way to the Pottsylvanian border, but their plan was interrupted by a cold reception. The interruption in question is a pair of police officers who are new on the job. Desperate for a promotion-

Chauncey: And donuts!

Narrator: -when receiving a report about Rocky pulling a prank on the search and rescue workers, they immediately attempt an arrest without any questioning or further investigation.

Rocky: It wasn't a prank!

Edgar: So you're saying that Bullwinkle fell in the ice at Breaky Lake, and they didn't see him?

Rocky: He could have been kidnapped by Boris and Natasha.

Chauncey: You're just trying to shift the blame.

Edgar: No, he actually has a good point. Rocky, how many times have Boris and Natasha tried to kill you?

Rocky: I lost count.

Chauncey: But we didn't see them anywhere. We saw some weird guy who wouldn't give us any donuts. What was his name again?

Edgar: Fearless Leader.

Chauncey: Right, him.

Rocky: How can you not know who Fearless Leader is? He's their boss, and is responsible for most of the evil schemes that we run into.

Chauncey: He might be familiar to you and Bullwinkle, but we're not in every episode.

Edgar: It's not in our contract.

Rocky: I think I know what really happened. Fearless Leader must have kidnapped-

Edgar: Moosenapped.

Rocky: -right, "moosenapped" him while I ran to the rescue department for help.

Chauncey: Ran? You're a flying squirrel, and you ran for help? You're probably making this stuff up.

Edgar: Wait a minute, he was hiding something in the trunk of his car. This can only mean-

Chauncey: He's hoarding all the donuts to himself?!

Edgar: ...no.

Rocky: This can only mean that Bullwinkle's in the trunk!

Edgar: Exactly.

Captain Peachfuzz: Uh, can I be a witness now?

Chauncey: Rocky isn't a suspect anymore. We found out who the real culprit is.

Peachfuzz: Can I be his witness, too?

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, Boris and Natasha are searching for a rare and valuable object.

Boris: Rare and valuable?!? It's a fridge!

Natasha: The narrator was using sarcasm, dollink.

Narrator: In the previous segment, Fearless Leader ordered Boris and Natasha to find a refrigerator. Yes, a refrigerator.

Natasha: At least the title makes sense.

Boris: Yeah, and Fearless Leader finally gave us a break. Our mission is so easy, it is impossible to screw up. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Narrator: The dastardly duo are walking to the Pottsylvanian market which is usually an easy task. Unfortunately for them, Pottsylvania has just been hit with one of the largest snowstorms in history!

Natasha: You had to ask, didn't you?

Boris: Shaddup you mouth!

* * *

Narrator: Their boss is also having problems with the snowstorm. Fearless Leader is driving on a road that is covered with ice. When the officer gets to the entrance of Central Control, his car slides on the ice-

*CRASH*

Narrator: -and crashes through the front door. He's probably really ticked off now.

Fearless Leader: Well, this is inconvenient.

Narrator: I thought you would be more upset about this.

Fearless Leader: How can I be upset? I have finally captured Moose. Since he is trapped in ice, there is no possibly way that he can escape. And when we set up a trap to capture Squirrel, I will finally be able to carry out my plans to rule the world!

Narrator: Then I guess you're not upset that your hideout froze while you were gone.

Fearless Leader: What?!?

He find a note.

Fearless Leader: "Dear Fearless Leader, when we left for Frostbite Falls I tried to close the windows to keep the snow out. However, I previously installed a new security system in your hideout. It has a lot of objects that are rigged with explosives. I forgot about this, and the windows exploded when I tried to close them. But don't worry, I'm sure we won't get too much snow. After all, it's not like we would get hit with one of the biggest snowstorms in history, right? Signed, Boris Badenov."

He crumbles the note and throws it away.

Fearless Leader: That numbskull!

* * *

Narrator: After clearing his name, Rocky continues his mission to save his friend. Rocky and Captain Peachfuzz are finally allowed to cross the Frosty Gate Bridge. Edgar and Chauncey drive them from Frostbite Falls to Pottsylvania in their patrol car. Rocky was searching for Bullwinkle for hours, and it is almost nightfall.

Peachfuzz: Is this the part where we drive off into the sunset?

Rocky: No, that usually happens at the end of our adventures.

Edgar: It's great we have nice weather for our trip.

Narrator: As they drive closer to the Pottsylvanian border, the bridge is ravaged by the snowstorm!

Edgar: Darn it! Me and my big mouth.

Chauncey: Your nose is big, too.

Edgar: That was a figure of speech.

Narrator: The snowstorm gradually worsens, and the blinding snow obscures their vision!

Chauncey: Oh no! We're in for some deep hurting.

Edgar: You're thinking of sandstorms.

Chauncey: Right, sorry about that.

Narrator: Will our heroes withstand the snowstorm and reach their destination? Stay tuned for, "When Pottsylvania Freezes Over" or "The Summit of All Fears".


	8. When Pottsylvania Freezes Over

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**When Pottsylvania Freezes Over or the Summit of All Fears**

Narrator: The snowstorm is, for a lack of a better word, storming throughout Pottsylvania.

Chauncey: I guess I'll have to settle for frozen donuts...

Narrator: Rocky and Captain Peachfuzz attempted to cross the Pottsylvanian border, but Mr. Big stole the sea captain's boating license. New-

Edgar: And stereotypical.

Narrator: -police officers Chauncey and Edgar offered to drive the duo over the Frosty Gate Bridge to Pottsylvania. But they are being ravaged by a snowstorm! And it's not just any snowstorm. This just so happens to be the biggest snowstorm in Pottsylvanian history!

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Narrator: Their patrol vehicle slides on the ice and they narrowly escape falling off the bridge into the freezing water.

Rocky: We did it! We've made it to Pottsylvania!

Captain Peachfuzz: That's great and all, but what about my ship?

Rocky: It was stolen.

Captain Peachfuzz: Aha! I _knew_ my boat was stolen by abominable snowmen!

Rocky: ...Um, no. It was stolen by Mr. Big.

Peachfuzz: But I thought he was a friendly merchant.

* * *

Narrator: Speaking of Peachfuzz's ship, that "friendly merchant" Mr. Big is still at his suspicious store in Frostbite Falls.

Mr. Big: Now that I have the captain's boating liscense, he can't take Moose and Squirrel to Pottsylvania. They will finally leave us alone. Fearless Leader will be proud of me for this!

Narrator: You might not be able to tell him.

Mr. Big: What are you talking about?

Narrator: You gave him a hidden bomb, and stole his money and belongings. Sooner or later, the police will be after you.

Mr. Big: I will have to go back to Pottsylvania before the police can arrest me.

Narrator: I didn't know they can make handcuffs that small.

Mr. Big: Shut up your mouth!

* * *

Narrator: That sounded like Boris's catchphrase. Boris and Natasha are on an epic quest which involves buying a refrigerator. Yes, the mission sounds weird.

Boris: We are supposed to find a fridge that is large enough to stuff Moose in.

Natasha: It was supposed to be easy, but then _someone _said, "what could possibly go wrong?"

Boris: How was I supposed to know we'd get hit by the biggest snowstorm in Pottsylvanian history?

* * *

Narrator: Okay, so the no-goodniks aren't really going anywhere. Meanwhile, Rocky is planning to search for Bullwinkle by climbing the Summit of All Fears, which is one of the tallest and most dangerous Pottsylvanian mountains.

Edgar: Rocky, it's probably not a good idea to go up that mountain.

Rocky: But I was planning to use it as a lookout point Then I can figure out where the spies kidnapped Bullwinkle.

Chauncey: Isn't that mountain called the Summit of All Fears or something?

Edgar: Yeah, and it's called the Summit of all _Fears_ for a reason.

Peachfuzz: Whoever named it really likes puns?

Rocky and the police officers stare at him.

Peachfuzz: ......Oh, I get it! The place is supposed to be scary, right?

Edgar: Obviously.

Chauncey: It's always windy there, and you could easily fall off the mountain.

Rocky: That's not really a problem because I'm a flying squirrel. Besides, Bullwinkle always gets hurt in the Mr. Know it All episodes, and he's fine by the next segment.

Edgar and Chauncey: Good point.

* * *

Rocky goes to the base of the summit.

Rocky: The mountain is a lot taller up close...

Narrator: Edgar and Chauncey are guarding the bridge to ensure that no one will attempt to cross during the snowstorm. Captain Peachfuzz is staying with them in case they find Mr. Big trying to cross the border. That mean's he'll be going it alone.

Rocky: This shouldn't be too hard. I can just fly to the top and look for where they could be hiding.

Narrator: Although he is stunned by its size, the flying squirrel bravely attempts to fly to the peak. But before he can take off, there is a huge avalanche!

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Narrator: Will Rocky evade the avalanche? Will he save Bullwinkle before it's too late? And will Boris and Natasha actually do something instead of argue about the snowstorm? Stay tuned next time for, "A Flight to Remember" or "My Slide of the Mountain"


	9. My Slide of the Mountain

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions. **

**A Flight to Remember or My Slide of the Mountain**

Narrator: The good news is Rocky the flying squirrel has made it to Pottsylvania so he can save Bullwinkle. The bad news is he's alone because Captain Peachfuzz and the police officers are looking for Mr. Big. This is bad because he attempted to reach the top of the most dangerous mountain in all Pottsylvania, the Summit of All Fears, for a lookout point. But before he could take off, there was an avalanche! Now he has to evade the approaching avalanche. This will surely be a difficult situation to get out of.

Rocky flies to the top of the mountain.

Rocky: That was close.

Narrator: I _said_ this will surely be a difficult situation to get out of.

Rocky: Sorry, Mr. Narrator, but I'm a flying squirrel. Flying is most logical way to escape from an avalanche.

* * *

Narrator: All right, now that Rocky reached the peak, he's now searching for Bullwinkle. After that "flight to remember", let's see what Peachfuzz and the police are up to at the Frosty Gate Bridge.

Edgar, Chauncey, and Captain Peachfuzz are drinking coffee and eating donuts.

Chauncey: If I'm a stereotypical cop in this story, then I should act like one to be in character.

Edgar: You're just using that reasoning to eat more donuts.

Captain Peachfuzz: I don't know about you guys, but this patrol stuff is kind of hard. It's really cold outside, and the food tastes weird.

He bites into a frozen donut.

Peachfuzz: Yeowch!

Narrator: As you can see, they are going through rather harsh hardships. Speaking of ships, Mr. Big, the shadowy, minuscule mobster who stole the captain's boating license, is attempting to sneak past them and cross the Pottsylvanian border.

He is walking past the trio.

Mr Big: Ehehehehheh, I am so small that I can walk past them and no one will notice me.

Edgar: Hey, does anyone else notice a huge shadow moving past us?

Chauncey: Not really.

Mr. Big: See what I mean?

Peachfuzz accidentally spills some of his coffee.

Peachfuzz: Oops!

*splash*

Mr. Big: You spilled hot coffee all over me! I will sue you for this!

Peachfuzz: Gosh, I'm sorry! How was I supposed to know that coffee is a hot beverage?

Chauncey: I hope you're being sarcastic...

Edgar: Who's there? Put your hands up!

Mr. Big puts his hands up.

Peachfuzz: Huh? I don't see anyone, Edgar and Chauncey. All I can see is a weird shadow thingy.

He walks around to look for the accused, but accidentally steps on him.

*squish*

Mr. Big: Augh! You imbecile! I will keel you, and...

Chauncey: You're under arrest, Mr. Big.

Mr. Big: ...Why didn't I shut up my mouth?

* * *

Narrator: It appears that Mr. Big is in big trouble.

Boris: That is a very bad pun.

Natasha: It's even worse than usual.

Narrator: Everyone's a critic. Since he used Boris's catchphrase, we'll switch to Boris and Natasha. They are in the middle of a snow field and they are searching for a fridge to trap the frozen moose.

Natasha: Boris dollink, did you see Squirrel flying around the Summit of All Fears?

Boris: No, but if we go there, we will finally have Moose and Squirrel!

Narrator: Boris and Natasha head for the mountain, but they have no idea of what's coming to them-

Boris: Who cares! As long as we can capture Squirrel, it doesn't matter what the potentially dangerous hazard is.

The duo walk into the path of the avalanche.

Boris: Oh, no!

Natasha: Why didn't you shut up your mouth?

Narrator: The highly dangerous hazard turns out to be the avalanche that Rocky previously had to evade. However, the villains are unable to fly. How can they possibly escape the onslaught of snow? Will Rocky be able to find Bullwinkle's location? Will Captain Peachfuzz get his boating liscense back, and when considering his "expertise", is that a good news or bad news? Stay tuned next time for, "License to Chill" or "Land of the Frost" .


	10. Land of the Frost

**Disclaimer: The Rocky and Bullwinkle characters are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**License to Chill or Land of the Frost**

Narrator: Rocky is trying to save his frozen friend Bullwinkle. The flying squirrel reaches the top of the Summit of All Fears so he can use it as a lookout point. Boris and Natasha spotted the squirrel. They attempted to climb the mountain, but an avalanche is headed right toward them.

Natasha: Hokey Smoke!

Boris: Please don't sound like Squirrel, Natasha.

Rocky flies down the mountain and rescues them from the incoming avalanche.

Rocky: That was close.

Natasha: Thanks for rescuing us, Squirrel.

Boris: But we're not letting you go.

Narrator: Oh, no! Rocky is kidnapped, er, "squirrelnapped" by Boris and Natasha! You two should be ashamed of yourselves. He saved your _lives_!

Natasha: So what? We can't die anyway.

Boris: If we did, the only important villain on the show would be Fearless Leader. And he can't do all the evil stuff by himself.

Rocky: I guess they're right...

Narrator: Nevertheless, this is ethically questionable.

* * *

Narrator: Speaking of ethically questionable, what Fearless Leader has in store for Bullwinkle is-

Fearless Leader: You are mistaken, Mr. Narrator. I don't have anything in store for Moose. Unless you mean store him in a fridge. In that case, you would be correct.

Narrator: He doesn't really have to worry about the ice that our immobilized Moose is trapped in because of the largest snowstorm in the history of Pottsylvania.

Fearless Leader: That's right. I really lucked in this time. In fact, this would be perfect if Badenov didn't screw up my house...

Narrator: Boris set up some "security measures" for the windows that were rather explosive. As a result, his boss's headquarters is covered with snow and ice. The lack of traction is quite hard for Fearless Leader.

He slips and falls on the slippery floor.

Fearless Leader: ...Skating isn't really part of my job requirements.

Narrator: And it shows.

Fearless Leader: Since when did _you _see an evil criminal mastermind who knows how to skate?

Narrator: I can't recall any at the moment.

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, on the Frosty Gate Bridge, rookie police officers Edgar and Chauncey find a suspect in the case of the clueless captain's cruiser.

Captain Peachfuzz: Huh?

Narrator: The guy who stole your ship.

Peachfuzz: Oh.

Mr. Big: I am a law abiding local resident of Frostbite Falls, I guess.

Edgar: I'm sorry, but we can't let you cross this bridge.

Chauncey: Yeah, you'll need a badge.

Mr. Big: Badges? I don't need no steenking badges!

Narrator: After an interrogation-

Chauncey: Did you steal the captain's S.S. Guppy?

Mr. Big: Yes- er, no.

Edgar: It's pretty obvious that he stole the boat. The S.S. Guppy is hidden under the bridge.

Chauncey: Hey, you're right!

The vessel has a label that says "Property of Captain Peachfuzz", but his name is crossed out and replaced with Mr. Big.

Peachfuzz: I was looking everywhere for it. I even had to use my binoculars.

The sea captain is using the binoculars backwards. Edgar and Chauncey stare at him.

Mr. Big: I was only going to borrow it. Fearless Leader said that he needed a vessel to transport tourists. He's setting up a new tourist attraction.

Peachfuzz: I can steer the boat for you if you want.

Mr. Big: Thank you, Captain Peachfuzz! You are so considerate-

Peachfuzz: And smart.

Mr. Big: -and *snickers* "smart", too. Heheheheh...

Narrator: After sucking up to the sea captain, they sail to Pottsylvania and leave the officers on the bridge.

Chauncey: I'm really upset about this.

Edgar: Because we let one of Fearless Leader's minions get away?

Chauncey: No, because I wanted to see what the new tourist attraction is.

* * *

Narrator: The tourist attraction in question is the frozen moose!

Fearless Leader: You're wrong again. He is a _prehistoric _moose. To be more specific, his scientific name is Stupidicus Meddli, which translates to "stupid meddler".

Narrator: You made that name up.

Fearless Leader: The public won't know that.

* * *

Narrator: While Fearless Leader plots his scheme, his minions have arrested our favorite flying squirrel!

Rocky: Why can't I escape?

Boris: Because you're "tied up" at the moment. Hahahahahaha!

Natasha: Nice pun, dollink.

Rocky: I don't think his pun was that great.

Narrator: Of course.

Narrator: Since the dastardly duo is too busy to realize where they're going, and the winter snowstorm is raging on, they accidentally wander off a cliff!

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Boris: At least he's saying the catchphrase. It's this stuff that makes me wish this story was in summer instead.

Narrator: Will our hero and villains survive the impact of the fall? Stay tuned for "No Springs!" or "Falling for Danger".


	11. Falling for Danger

**Disclaimer: The Rocky and Bullwinkle characters are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**No Springs! Or Falling for Danger**

Narrator: The largest snowstorm in the history of Pottsylvania rages on.

Edgar and Chauncey are covered with so much snow that they look like snowmen. Only their hats are visible.

Chauncey: Oh, really?

Edgar: That's a shocker.

Narrator: Haha, you guys look like a couple of Frostys.

* * *

Narrator: Speaking of wintery specials, as a result of this wintery weather, Rocky and his friends-

Natasha: Are you snow blind or something, Mr. Narrator?

Boris: Yeah, we are always trying to keel squirrel.

Narrator: Oh, right. I guess I do have snow blindness. Rocky and his evil acquaintances are plummeting down a cliff!

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Narrator: The dastardly duo actually managed to capture Rocky, and the squirrel is now "tied up" at the moment. But the snowstorm blinded them and that lead to a dangerous cliffhanger.

Rocky: I won't be tied up for long!

He uses his incisors to gnaw at the ropes and set himself free.

Natasha: Boris, why didn't we use non chewable rope?

Boris: I got the ropes from Snidely Whiplash. He uses them to tie up Nell to railroad tracks.

Natasha: So?

Boris: Humans don't really use their teeth for stuff like that. Either way, this bites.

Narrator: Even though they previously tricked him, Rocky, being an all around nice squirrel, saves them from plummeting into an icy chasm. But he doesn't stick around for long, and leaves the baddies behind as soon as he rescues them.

Boris: Curses! Foiled again!

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, in Pottsylvania...

Fearless Leader: You don't have to tell me what happened. Pottsylvania has frozen over.

Narrator: Fearless Leader has also moosenapped Bullwinkle and is hiding him in the Central Control building. Where in the building is happens to be a question in which I am not sure of.

Fearless Leader: And it is wise not to find out. Or else.

Narrator: This unsolved mystery is now his most deepest, darkest secret.

Fearless Leader: Next to when I was almost usurped by Boris Badenov.

Narrator: Finding where Bullwinkle is held captive will be a daunting task for our heroic squirrel. Not only are the headquarters gigantic, but it is also very slippery as a result of Boris not closing the windows before the snowstorm. Now Boris's boss is falling all over the place.

Fearless Leader: I'd like to see you try this.

Narrator: I can't. I don't even have a character design. Or a model sheet for that matter. Which I'm not.

Fearless Leader: Why do you insist on talking to me, Mr. Narrator?

Narrator: I'd like to get to know you more. Such as where you hid Bullwi-

Fearless Leader: Never! Leave me alone!

Narrator: Fine then. Go ahead and be difficult.

* * *

Narrator: Rocky is up to flying up in the air. He proceeds to fly over Pottsylvanian places of interest such as Mount Whynchatakea Peak, the Forest of Fear, and the Pottsylvanian Badlands.

Rocky: But everything in Pottsylvania is bad.

Narrator: I can't argue with you there.

* * *

Narrator: On the Pottsylvania coast, known as the Sorbet Shoreline, the SS Guppy has reached the nation of Pottsylvania. Of course, with Captain Peachfuzz at the wheel, this is a big surprise.

Mr. Big: Not when I'm steering it.

Narrator: Pint sized crook Mr. Big conned Captain Peachfuzz into taking tourists to Pottsylvania for a new attraction.

Captain Peachfuzz: Sounds like fun!

Narrator: He obviously didn't hear the conned part. Now what is the new attraction, you may ask? Why, it's none other than our pal Bullwinkle encased in a block of ice!

Fearless Leader: Step right up to see a genuine frozen prehistoric moose! It's like a bug trapped in amber, but better.

Narrator: Comparing the immobile moose to a bug isn't very nice.

Fearless Leader: Since when did I ever care about being "nice"? And Moose has been bugging me for years.

Mr. Big: Any questions before we start the tour?

Tourist: Uh, yeah, I have a question. What happened to your legs? There's bandages all over 'em.

Fearless Leader: I slipped and fell- er, what I meant is, the prehistoric moose is very dangerous when let out of captivity. This is why we must never, _ever _let him thaw out of the ice block.

Narrator: You dirty liar.

Fearless Leader: Thank you for the contemptible compliment. Now Mr. Big, do you know when Badenov and Fatale will show up with a fridge for our ferocious friend?

Mr. Big: What fridge?

Fearless Leader: Don't have one yet, eh? Then I guess the primeval monster will thaw out and tear everyone to shreds!

Narrator: The visitors are really starting to freak out. In fact, the terrified tourists even seem to be too scared to move. You two are meanies.

Fearless Leader: But scaring people is fun! You should try it some time. It's good for your health.

Narrator: I'm the narrator! I don't even have a body!

Fearless Leader: I know. I just said that to bug you. Heheheheheheheh...

Narrator: Wait a minute. I just remembered that I really do have a character model. I think it was in the "Banana Formula" episodes.

Fearless Leader: That's true. Heh, you were the bald guy with a moustache.

Narrator: You're bald, too.

Fearless Leader: Yes, but I can make fun of your moustache.

Mr. Big: Now we just need to think of some Snidely Whiplash related puns-

Narrator: Never mind. Make fun of the tourists instead.

Fearless Leader: All right. But how could you be stupid enough to forget that you have a body?

Narrator: I get the feeling that no body likes me...

* * *

Narrator: That's what I get for trying to save our moronic moose. He better be thankful for what I went through to help him.

Rocky: Pun riddled insults?

Narrator: Yeah.

Rocky: I had to escape Boris and Natasha, an avalanche, and now I'm flying through a snowstorm.

Narrator: How about I call you a bragging squirrel instead of a plucky squirrel?

Rocky: Plucky squirrel sounds better.

Narrator: Then keep it that way.

Rocky: No offence, but you're kind of grumpy today.

Narrator: You're so observant. But will you be observant enough to find your best friend? And Will Bullwinkle finally thaw out of the ice block and turn back to normal? Be sure to stay tuned next time for "Have you seen this Moose?" or "The Coolest Moose on the Block".


	12. The Coolest Moose on the Block

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**Have you seen this Moose? Or The Coolest Moose on the Block  
**

Narrator: Rocky is continuing his arctic adventure in Pottsylvania, in a hectic search for his pal Bullwinkle.

Rocky: He's somewhere out there...

Narrator: Little does Rocky know that his helpless and hapless friend is somewhere _in_ there. He is being kept in the frozen headquarters of Central Control. Meanwhile, tons of tourists are lining up by the dozens to see the elusive snowmoose. Fearless Leader is ecstatic that his scheme is actually doing quite well.

Fearless Leader: This plan is going even better than I thought it would. Hail Pottsylvania!

Narrator: Suddenly, it starts to hail, and the hail hits him on the head.

Fearless Leader: Yeowch! Why does this always happen every time I say hail Pottsylvania?

The hail storm starts up again.

Fearless Leader: Owch!

Narrator: You just answered your own question.

Fearless Leader: Please shut up, Mr. Narrator.

Mr. Big shows up from the Sorbet Shoreline. The miniature minion is carrying a comparatively large bag of money.

Mr. Big: Gosh, Fearless Leader, you are as excited as a little kid opening Christmas presents.

Fearless Leader: Indeed I am, Mr. Big. My "Christmas present" is to get rid of meddling Moose and Squirrel, and so far no one can stop me! This time I will never fail!

Narrator: Never say never.

Fearless Leader and Mr. Big: Get lost!

* * *

Narrator: Coincidentally, Fearless Leader's minions, Boris and Natasha, just so happen to be lost.

Boris: I'll get that stupid squirrel next time.

Natasha: That's what you said last time.

Boris: Shaddup your mouth, Natasha!

Narrator: After wandering through the blustery snowstorm for a while, they eventually find a marketplace to complete their top secret mission.

Natasha: Boris, I think I can see a store! We might be able to buy a fridge there.

Boris: Yes! Finally! We have found a stupid store to buy a refrigerator.

Narrator: Yes, their top secret mission is to obtain a refrigerator. It's as weird as it sounds.

The enter the marketplace.

Store Owner: Wow, I actually have customers at a time like this? With this kinda weather?

Boris: Uh, yeah. I'd like to buy a fridge. It is for purposes that do not involve shoving a Moose in there to freeze.

Narrator: Liar.

Boris: Shaddup your mouth, Meester Narrator!

Store Owner: That'll be fifty box tops, please.

Boris: Fifty box tops_?_! What kind of pricing is that?

Natasha: We are taking orders from Fearless Leader himself.

Store Owner: Fearless Leader told you? I'll get your fridge right away!

Narrator: The Pottsylvanian shop owner immediately goes into a storage area.

Boris: It's a good thing everyone here is scared of our boss. I couldn't steal any of those things in "Box Top Robbery".

Narrator: He eventually brings out a very large refrigerator. The dastardly duo proceed to carry their not so dastardly appliance out of the marketplace, and head for Central Control.

Boris: This mission actually turned out well for us, Natasha. I didn't even get hurt.

The fridge falls on him.

*crash*

Boris: I stand corrected... argh..!

Natasha: You're not standing up, dollink. You're stuck under the fridge.

Boris: Shaddup your-

Natasha: I know. Shut up my mouth.

* * *

Narrator: At Central Control, Fearless Leader is leading more tourists to the popular tourist trap.

Fearless Leader: And zis prehistoric moose is so scary that it even has fangs like a sabre toothed tiger!

Narrator: Stop terrifying the tourists!

Tourist: Where did you find this beast?

Fearless Leader: Zis monstrous moose was discovered at the La Gotcha tar pits, courtesy of the Pottsylvanian Badlands.

Narrator: You're going a little bit too far with this.

Fearless Leader: If you tell them about my scheme, I'll throw _you _in the tar pits!

Narrator: ...I'll be quiet.

* * *

Rocky is sticking up posters throughout the Pottsylvanian capital.

Narrator: Rocky, did you find Bullwinkle yet?

Rocky: No. I tried putting up posters saying "Have you seen this moose?" everywhere, though.

Narrator: That's good. Did you also put them on milk cartons?

Rocky: Yeah.

Narrator: And?

Rocky: Nothing...

Narrator: Oh, dear. Things are looking rather dire for our heroes.

Fearless Leader is eagerly counting wads of cash near the "prehistoric moose" exhibit. He looks up at the narrator.

Fearless Leader: A dire wolf?

Narrator: Don't get any ideas.

Fearless Leader: Now that you mention it, a vicious dire wolf thawed from ice would be great for dealing with Moose und Squirrel... I should really consider going to excavate the La Gotcha tar pits.

Mr. Big: But the tar pits area is dangerous! Eet is covered with, um, tar.

Fearless Leader: I'm fully aware of that, Mr. Big. I can send Badenov und Fatale over there.

Mr. Big: Borees and Natasha appear to be meesing.

Fearless Leader: Messing around? That's them all right. Which makes those two perfect victims, er, candidates for the messy tar pits.

Mr. Big: No, I meant _meesing_.

Fearless Leader: Oh, _missing_. Surprisingly, Boris and Natasha have a reason for their absence. They're off to find a fridge to keep Moose from thawing. Which means unfortunately I don't have a reason to shoot them...

Mr. Big: That must be the pits.

* * *

Narrator: I wonder if Rocky will find any Tar Monsters next.

Rocky: Tar monsters?

Narrator: Yes, for this city is close to the Pottsylvanian Badlands. Will Rocky be able to rescue Bullwinkle from the cold hearted con artist's tourist trap? Be sure to stay tuned next time for our next episode, "The Cold Castle" or "Once Upon a Grime".


	13. The Cold Castle

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**The Cold Castle or Once Upon a Grime  
**

Narrator: The Pottsylvanian prehistoric moose attraction is certainly attracting lots of attention. Not only are the locals interested, but visitors from as far away as Frostbite Falls are eager to see the coolest moose on the block. One of the denizens of Frostbite Falls happens to be Rocket J. Squirrel.

Rocky: What are all of these posters I had to paste over?

Narrator: Rocky was unaware of this scheme until he put up posters proclaiming, "Have you Seen this Moose?" throughout a Pottsylvanian district. Previously a set of posters about the prehistoric moose were set up.

Rocky: That's not a "prehistoric moose". That's my pal, Bullwinkle! And I've got to help him!

* * *

Narrator: Now that Rocky knows that his best friend is being held at Central Control, and also being held as a central tourist attraction.

Fearless Leader: How much cash did we rake in?

Mr. Big: Meelions of dollars. Thees scheme is a huge hit, boss!

Fearless Leader: Indeed it is, Mr. Big.

Mr. Big: The only thing that could possibly go wrong would be if Squirrel showed up.

Fearless Leader: Badenov and Fatale could throw Squirrel in the tar pits.

Mr. Big: Where are those two, anyway?

Fearless Leader: Didn't you hear my exposition in the previous segment? They are looking for a fridge to make sure that Moose doesn't thaw.

* * *

Narrator: After driving a hard bargain, Boris and Natasha are driving a refrigerator back to the base.

Boris: Only we aren't driving. We have to walk back to Central Control. While lugging a fridge around.

Natasha: We really should have used a car or a truck, Boris dollink. Especially with the largest snowstorm in Pottsylvanian history raging on.

Boris: Yeah. The snowstorm couldn't possibly get any worse.

Narrator: Suddenly, the snowstorm immediately increases its ferocity even more.

Natasha: You just had to say that, didn't you, Boris?

Boris: Drat! I should have shaddup my mouth.

Narrator: The wispy winds are so strong that they blow the dastardly duo up in the air. The flying spies up in the sky eventually crash land in front of a structure that should be familiar to them.

Boris and Natasha fall into a snow bank. They get up and notice a nearby building.

Natasha: It's Central Control! We made it, dollink!

Boris: It's about time... wait a minute. Where is the fridge?

Narrator: The wind is so strong that it moved their recently acquired appliance as well.

Natasha: Where do you think it will land?

The refrigerator lands on Boris.

*thud*

Boris is dizzy from the collision.

Boris: I can see lots of pretty snowflakes...

Natasha: Boris, snap out of it!

Boris: ...Huh? Oh, sorry about that. Natasha, did you see any microscopes?

Natasha: What?

Boris: Never mind.

* * *

Narrator: Natasha and her somewhat disorientated fellow evil doer enter Fearless Leader's headquarters.

Fearless Leader: What happened to you, Badenov? You look like you were tossed around by a snowstorm, and crushed by a large object. Twice.

Boris: Yeah.

Fearless Leader: Then what could have possibly happened to make you look so dishevelled?

Boris: What you just said.

Natasha: Fearless Leader, dollink, didn't you mean dis-shoveled?

Fearless Leader: Save the puns for later, Fatale. We have to focus on this scheme that will make us rich.

Boris: How much dough did we shovel in from "prehistoric Moose"?

Fearless Leader: Millions of dollars.

Boris: A million bucks!

Natasha: Wouldn't that be enough money already?

Fearless Leader: Of course not! This is why I need your help.

Natasha: What do you need help with, dollink?

Fearless Leader: I want you two to be on the lookout for Squirrel. If you find the meddling fool, throw him in the La Gotcha Tar Pits!

Boris: Why won't you ask Mr. Big? I don't even know where he is. And why is it so cold in here_?_!

Fearless Leader: Mr. Big is a tour guide for the gullible tourists. Oh, and Badenov, your "security system" blew up all the windows before the snowstorm hit.

Boris: It did_?_! Oh, I am so very, very, _very_ sorry, boss, sir.

Fearless Leader: Stop your incessant grovelling! If you get rid of Squirrel, I promise that I possibly might not kill you. It's tempting, though.

Boris: Yes, sir!

Natasha: You can leave it to us, dollink!

Fearless Leader: That's what I'm afraid of.

Boris: Don't be so pessimistic! Surely we don't screw up our missions that often.

He glares at them.

Boris: ...Maybe we should just get back to work. So, er, we'll be going now.

Narrator: And off they go to search out our adventurous squirrel. Now not only is he going it alone, since Captain Peachfuzz was tricked into transporting tourists, but Rocky also has to deal with a potentially sticky situation if he gets caught. Be sure to stay tuned for our next chilling episode, "Adventures through Inner Ice" or "Ice Spy".


	14. Ice Spy

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**Adventures Through Inner Ice or Ice Spy  
**

Narrator: Fearless Leader and his goons are really profiting from their evil scheme this time.

Rocky: Not if I can help it! I'll save him from that creepy carnival.

Narrator: Rocky the flying squirrel is determined to rescue his best pal Bullwinkle from their icy clutches. He even posted various missing moose awareness posters on everything from streets to milk cartons. Then he noticed the "prehistoric moose attraction" posters plastered around the district as well.

Rocky: Bullwinkle's a bit older than me, but he's not prehistoric! I'll bet Boris and Natasha are responsible for this.

* * *

Narrator: They certainly are. Meanwhile, Boris and Natasha have been ordered by their boss to be on the lookout for Rocky. They're driving to the grimy Pottsylvanian Badlands.

Boris: Fearless Leader told us to throw Squirrel into the La Gotcha Tar Pits.

Natasha: Of course we'll comply.

Boris: It's an offer that we can't refuse!

Natasha: Or he might throw _us_ into the tar pits.

Boris: That's ridiculous. There ees no records of people getting stuck in there.

Natasha: Yes, there is. Look in front of you.

Narrator: Boris finds a sign, which is advertising the tar pits, along the highway. It says "There have been people stupid enough to get stuck in the tar pits. Any more volunteers?"

Natasha: You know, dollink, a lot of people in Pottsylvania can be very creepy.

Boris: I know. You've gotta love a place like this.

* * *

Narrator: Surprisingly, Boris and Natasha are right about something. For once. One of the multitude of creepy residents includes none other than Fearless Leader, and-

Fearless Leader: I told you to stop botherink me!

Narrator: -Fine. But can you at least call off your orders so Rocky won't get tossed into the tar pits?

Fearless Leader: Nein. Sorry.

Narrator: You don't really mean your apology, do you?

Fearless Leader: Right you are. Now if you excuse me, I have to educate these exploitable fellows about pseudo prehistory.

Tourist in the crowd 1: Excuse me, Mr. grumpy museum tour guide, but who are you talking to?

Narrator: People, you're being scammed! The prehistoric moose is actually Bullwinkle, a famous resident of Frostbite Falls, trapped in ice! And the "grumpy museum tour guide" is the grumpy governor of Pottsylvania.

Fearless Leader: Don't mind him, tourists. That's just the local poltergeist.

Tourist in the crowd 2: Ghosts live here, too? Jinkies! This place has everything!

Tourist in the crowd 3: Like, zoinks! This place is really scary...

Tourist in the crowd 4: Let's take some pictures and look for clues.

Narrator: I guess Rocky will have to save Bullwinkle. I may be the narrator, but I'm not helping very much...

* * *

Narrator: While Rocky is flying to Central Control, the place he suspects where Bullwinkle is being held captive, the snowstorm blows him off course. As a result, he crash lands in a certain desolate area.

Rocky gets up and tries to figure out where he is.

Rocky: What is this strange place...?

Narrator: Suddenly, Rocky gets quite a welcoming party.

Natasha: It's that meddling squirrel!

Boris: Get him!

Narrator: And so, rather than using espionage, they chase after the plucky flying squirrel like prehistoric cavemen. Or cave people and a cave squirrel.

Rocky: I'll have to fly to get away from them.

Rocky uses his flight ability to escape.

Boris: You're not going to get away that easily, Squirrel! Natasha, do we still have some rope?

Natasha: The ropes from Snidely Whiplash? Even though they would technically be from the late 1800's?

Boris: Da. The very same.

Narrator: Boris uses a rope, courtesy of Snidely Whiplash, as a lasso, and entangles our heroic squirrel!

Boris: I learned how to do this from when we went to the worm ranch.

Narrator: Oh, no! They're carrying him off somewhere, and it's most likely the La Gotcha Tar Pits.

Rocky: Tar Pits_?_!

Boris: That's right! Welcome to the Pottsylvanian Badlands.

Rocky: But _everything_ in Pottsylvania is bad.

Natasha: He is right, dollink.

Boris: Well, yes, but this place has steeky and grimy tar pits! And no complaining! We had to drive all the way through a snowstorm for this trip, and I want it to be a special memory.

Natasha: For us, of course.

Rocky: *thinking* I'll have to get out of this mess...

Rocky: Um, Boris and Natasha, have you thought that there are valuable fossils around here? You could get rich if you find some.

Boris: Shut up your mouth! You are an offering to the great volcano, er, tar monster. Natasha, can you help me make something up for this?

Natasha is ignoring him.

Boris: ...Natasha, are you listening to me?

Natasha: We could get rich_?_!

Rocky: Well, tar pits usually have prehistoric bones and fossils everywhere.

Boris: Natasha, do you know what this means? We could be standing right next to a primeval goldmine!

Natasha: Maybe we should kill Squirrel later.

Boris: Right! Now let's get digging!

Narrator: They leave Rocky alone and hurry off somewhere to get digging equipment such as shovels and all that.

Rocky unties himself and goes back to his flight to Central Control.

Rocky: That should keep them busy long enough for my flight.

Narrator: I wouldn't expect you of all people, er, squirrels, to lie.

Rocky: I wasn't lying. Places like this really do have fossils everywhere. It'll probably take them a while to find anything, if at all, though.

Narrator: That's true. Now with two obstacles out of the way, for now, Rocky has ample time to his friend from a certain nasty museum curator. How long will Boris and Natasha be distracted from their orders? Will Rocky successfully rescue Bullwinkle? Be sure to stay tuned for our next chilling episode, "There's Gold in them Tar Hills" or "The Ecstasy of Cold".


	15. The Ecstasy of Cold

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**There's Gold in them Tar Hills or The Ecstasy of Cold  
**

Narrator: Rocky the flying squirrel has cleverly escaped a messy predicament. He convinced Boris and Natasha to search for fossils in the La Gotcha Tar Pits, which is situated in the Pottsylvanian Badlands, instead of throwing him into the tar pits.

Rocky: Now I have to save Bullwinkle from an even bigger mess.

Narrator: With the dastardly duo out of the way, for now, he's flying off to Central Control to save Bullwinkle from unwillingly being part of a prehistoric tourist attraction.

* * *

Narrator: After some scrounging about, Boris and Natasha drive back to the La Gotcha Tar Pits. This time the "paleontologists" have supplies for excavating the sticky situations that are situated throughout the Pottsylvanian Badlands.

They are observing miles upon miles of tar pits.

Natasha: Are you sure this won't take an incredibly long time, dollink?

Boris: Sure, I'm sure. We'll find lots of dinosaurs, prehistoric mammals, and maybe even a few cavemen in no time. It's like a treasure map made of sticky primordial soup.

Natasha: I'm not so sure about your estimates-

Boris: You are prohibiting the progression of paleontology!

Natasha: -fine. I'll help you.

Boris: Now that's more like it.

Narrator: It's nice to see you interested in science, Boris.

Boris: Science? Pah! I just want to get rich!

Narrator: I thought so.

* * *

Narrator: Pottsylvania is already receiving millions of dollars from the "prehistoric moose" alone.

Fearless Leader: Mr. Big, go get some more gullible suckers, er, tourists.

Mr. Big: Yes, boss.

* * *

Narrator: Little does Mr. Big know that Chauncey and Edgar, also know as the two guys who constantly change jobs, are out to arrest him. When the mean little guy gets off Captain Peachfuzz's ship to find more tourists, he runs into them.

Chauncey: You're under arrest for stealing Captain Peachfuzz's boat, Mr. Big.

Mr. Big: You think you can arrest me? Come and get it!

Mr. Big gets out a pointy object from his pocket. Chauncey hurriedly hides behind Edgar.

Chauncey: Oh, no! He's got an icepick!

Edgar: Chauncey, that's a toothpick.

Narrator: And so the cops arrested the cold hearted, boat stealing criminal. But Captain Peachfuzz is still permitted to travel with passengers back and forth, as they are not aware of the crooked nature of Pottsylvania's newest tourist attraction.

Captain Peachfuzz: Crooked? I guess whatever they're selling must be broken. Later on I'll have to use my expertise as a repairman to fix it.

Narrator: You? A repairman?

Peachfuzz: Yep. I'm a really good handyman don't you know.

Mr. Big: No offence, captain, but I doubt you'd be handy at anything.

Chauncey: Hey! That could count as slander.

Edgar: You'll probably be held under arrest even longer now.

Mr. Big: Drat!

* * *

Narrator: With Mr. Big arrested, and Boris and Natasha distracted, Rocky has more of a chance of saving his friend. What will possibly happen next?

Fearless Leader: Something really terrible will happen to Squirrel?

Narrator: Be sure to stay tuned for our next episode, "The Trouble with Muck" or "Mud and Blunder".


	16. Mud and Blunder

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**The Trouble with Muck or Mud and Blunder**

Narrator: The no-goodniks Boris and Natasha are ravaging the La Gotcha Tar Pits.

Boris: What? I'm acting on my primal instincts. Mainly greed.

Narrator: Rocky has convinced them that rather than throwing the squirrel into the tar pits to "keel" him, they should search for rare prehistoric fossils in the muck.

Natasha: Boris, I know you think we will get rich from this, but what if we get stuck in the tar? Remember the warning signs on the way here?

Boris: Don't worry about it, Natasha. The signs specifically said that only someone who is really stupid can get stuck here. So basically only a real Neanderthal would do that.

Narrator: Well, Boris, you and Natasha would certainly qualify.

Boris: I suddenly have a new scheme to help us get rich.

Natasha: Really? What is it, dollink?

Boris: We can throw Meester Narrator into the tar pits, and then pass him off as a caveman. No one will know the difference.

Narrator: All right. I get it. I know when I'm not welcome.

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, Rocky has finally found the Central Control building. Atop the windswept roof, Rocky is searching for a point of entry.

Rocky: I'll have to climb down the chimney. Like Santa Boris.

Narrator: Don't you mean Santa Claus?

Rocky: Boris was disguised in a Santa suit in the "Topsy Turvy World" episodes. Remember?

Narrator: Yes, I do remember. Well, up you go then.

Rocky proceeds to climb down the chimney. He ends up in a fireplace in one of the building's many rooms.

Rocky: Yes! I've made it!

Narrator: However, in a nearby hallway, Fearless Leader is excitedly counting up the multitude of money from the Pottsylvanian "Prehistoric Moose" attraction.

Fearless Leader: ...Vhat's this? Do I hear something that is disturbing my important business? Or perhaps someone?

Rocky: Oh, no...

Fearless Leader: There must be meddling vermin up my chimney. It is most likely Squirrel.

Narrator: It seems that the brave little squirrel might get caught.

Rocky: I guess going down the chimney like Santa Boris wasn't such a good idea after all.

Narrator: No offence, but when was following Boris's example ever a good idea?

Fearless Leader: I can answer that. It never is. I know from dealing with him for years.

Narrator: Will Rocky be able to successfully infiltrate the makeshift museum, and finally find his friend? Be sure to stay tuned for our next chilling episode, "A Cartridge in a Pear Tree" or "Yule be Sorry".


	17. A Cartridge in a Pear Tree

**Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**A Cartridge in a Pear Tree or Yule be Sorry**

Narrator: Rocky the Flying Squirrel has managed to fly atop the rooftop and climb down the chimney of the Central Control headquarters.

Rocky: Yeah, but I've been caught.

Fearless Leader: Indeed you have, Squirrel.

Narrator: Always the opportunist, Fearless Leader has used Rocky's frozen friend as a tourist attraction.

Rocky: You're a lying, scheming, evil no-goodnik.

Fearless Leader: Why, thank you. But flattery gets you no where.

Narrator: Rocky tries to escape his captor by climbing back up the chimney.

Fearless Leader: Drat! He's trying to climb up ze chimney...

He flips a nearby switch. The switch blocks its top, and this causes Rocky to fall back down the chimney.

Rocky: ...So I guess I'm trapped, right?

Fearless Leader: Ja. Now all I have to do is shove you in ze fridge, and Pottsylvania will also feature a preserved prehistoric cave squirrel.

Rocky: Is your refrigerator running?

Fearless Leader: Squirrel, I already know about ze "You'd better go catch it" prank. You can fool those two dummkopfs, but you can't fool me-

Rocky: Did the "dummkopfs" remember to plug it in?

Fearless Leader: -I will have to check on this matter. Wait here, all right?

Narrator: While dummkopf number three walks off to check the fridge, Rocky opens and flies out of a window.

* * *

Narrator: Boris and Natasha are on a wild goose chase-

Natasha: But Mr. Narrator, Boris and I are looking for fossils.

Narrator: -all right, a wild fossil chase for fossils and prehistoric relics. They'll have to watch out for tar pits, snowstorms, and avalanches.

Boris: I am ready for any potential snowstorms and avalanches.

Narrator: Really?

Boris: Da. It is all thanks to this impenetrable helmet.

He points at his new hat, which is actually a cooking utensil, and bangs on it to prove his point.

Narrator: That's a cooking pot.

Boris: And it can also be used to make soup!

Narrator: Suddenly, not to mention coincidentally, an avalanche is heading right towards Boris.

Boris: Eh, is no problem at all.

The barrage of snow covers him.

Boris: Help... me...

Natasha somehow evaded the avalanche and runs up to him.

Natasha: Oh, no! Dollink, what happened?

Boris: Natasha, I think it is quite obvious. I was using my soup helmet for safety precautions, but I still got plowed over.

Narrator: Fearless Leader shows up, and he appears to be walking his three pet dogs, which are bloodhounds.

Boris: Um, Fearless Leader...

Fearless Leader: Vhat is it this time, Boris?

Boris: Can you help me out? Use your dogs to sniff me out or somethink.

Fearless Leader: Fine, but only if you guess something correctly.

Boris: Really? What?

Fearless Leader: Vhat are my three dogs' names?

Boris: How should I know? All right, uh... Tom, Dick, and Harry?

Fearless Leader: Nein. Their names are Albert, Brunhilda, und Otto. You lose, Badenov! You schtupid loser!

Boris: Aw, come on, boss!

Natasha: What were you up to, dollink?

Fearless Leader: Well, I had successfully captured Squirrel, but then he escaped, so now I am looking for him. Squirrel was in the office chimney.

Boris: Oi, was he an 'elpful chimney sweep, guvna?

Fearless Leader: Heheh, that's pretty good.

Boris: Even better than my Santa Boris getup?

Fearless Leader: Ja. I guess I can help you get out of ze snow.

Narrator: And so, Natasha, Fearless Leader, and the three bloodhounds get Boris unstuck from the snow.

* * *

Narrator: Meanwhile, Rocky has waited until Fearless Leader left Central Control to track him down. Then the plucky flying squirrel flew back into the building to look for Bullwinkle. Eventually he finds himself in a cold storage room. And the moose is in the dead center of the room, still in a block of ice.

Rocky: Hmm... There is a sign that says, "Prehistoric moose tours are on hiatus until Squirrel is found. If you're reading this, Squirrel, this room is secured by laser death traps. So don't even bother to go further than the switch that turns them off. I am such a genius! Signed, Fearless Leader."

Rocky pulls the switch, and the lasers disappear.

Narrator: Dummkopf number three strikes again...

Rocky: Using death trap lasers to thaw him out would be stupid, so I'll use the next best thing.

Narrator: Which is?

Rocky: A magnifying glass!

Narrator: Rocky, we don't have all day here. Each segment is five minutes long.

Rocky: Couldn't you just speed it up with your narration?

Narrator: I suppose. After a reasonably long time, Rocky eventually manages to free Bullwinkle from the ice.

Rocky: I really missed you.

Bullwinkle: Oh, hello there, Rocky! Do ya wanna go yodeling with me?

Rocky: Maybe later. You see, we're kind of in Pottsylvania right now, and-

Bullwinkle: Pottsylvania_?_! But that's where the bad guys live! Gosh, how did we end up here?

Rocky: It's a long story.

Bullwinkle: Mr. Narrator, I guess I haven't really been doing much in this storyline, but technically I was still around, right?

Narrator: Yes. And your point is...?

Bullwinkle: Do I still get my paycheck?

Narrator: I have no idea. But I do know it's a good idea to stay tuned for our next episode, "The Stingiest Spies in Town" or "Miracle on 92nd Street".


End file.
